I keep watching episode of David Tennent Doctor Who and totally identifying with them. Ok, hear me out...its for two specific reasons.
1. at the end of the "waters of mars" the doctor finally decides that he can do anything and is the time-lord victorious. He's on top of the world thinks he can do no harm and then the one chick goes and blows her brains out...and ITS TOTALLY HIS FAULT! I feel like this more often than not. As soon as I think everything is hunky-dory and I can do no wrong the universe decides to tell me otherwise. For this reason I am incredibly hyper-critical of myself, and am neurotic about my impact on others. I've let people down in the past and have been hated for it for years. Many people say that the other party should just let go and get over it. I say, if I pissed off someone that badly then they have the right to stay mad at me as long as they want. In that moment when the women shoots herself in the noggin and the Doctor realizes what he's done. I live in that moment these days, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And the fact that I'm moving away is just amplifying it....Which brings use to reason number 2!
2. at the end of "the end of time" when the doctor is about to regenerate he pleading states "I don't want to go". This one impacts me more than the other, because after all, I am moving away from everything I've always known and trying to make a go of it with a man whom I both love and, at times, cannot stand. I don't want to go. Everyone tells me that this will be such an adventure but I cannot begin to believe them. I'm scared of what comes next and what person I might become because of it.
That last bit sounds familier to all you fan girls out there, doesn't it?
Point is, I wanna say fuck it but I know I'd never have the heart to hurt Jason by not moving.
But that's a conundrum that the Doctor will never have to face, because everyone leaves him on their own.
(picnic, lightning)
